My Life on Video

If someone were to ever decide they wanted to make a documentary of my life, I feel like this video would make the perfect preview to my story!

What do you think?

 

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Airport Customs

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Hey friends,

Hope you’re having an awesome Wednesday, but today is finally my Friday. In 17 hours I will finally be getting some much needed time off. I will have worked 65.5 hours in the past 6 days, and I plan on sleeping for 12 hours tomorrow to recover!

In my state of tiredness, I didn’t have creative juices flowing today for a proper post, so I’ve decided on a joke.

A distinguished young woman on flight from Switzerland asked the priest sitting beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?”
“Of course. What may I do for you?” the priest replied.

“Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?” the woman asked.

“I would love to help you, but I must warn you: I will not lie!” The priest told her.
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you,” she said.
When they got to Customs, the young woman let the priest go ahead of her.
The Customs official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare,” said the priest.
The officials thought this answer a bit strange, so he asked, “And what to you have to declare from your waist to the floor, Father?”
“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused,” answered the priest.
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”

Have an awesome day!

Glamorous Jettsetters

Many people wish that they could be a flight attendant.  The glamorous lifestyle jetting from city to city all over the world is the dream of many young people.  However, the reality is very different than what you have envisioned.

I recently came across a blog Confessions of a Trolley Dolly, and this post caught my eye.  I think it is hilarious, but I refuse to confirm or deny any of these lies.  Check it out below, and don’t forget to subscribe to their blog as well for more confessions of the sky.

The Top 10 Cabin Crew Lies.

To be a good flight attendant, you also have to be a bloody good liar. It’s one of the unwritten requirements of the job. We lie to passengers from the moment they step onto the aircraft. “We’d like to warmly welcome you onboard!”, no we don’t. “If you need any assistance, please ask a member of crew”, no please don’t. “We hope you enjoyed your flight?”, we’re not really bothered either way, as long as you won’t be writing in and getting us tea, no biscuits with management.

No matter how crap a day we’re having, how much abuse we’re getting from the guests, how much shit we’ve got going on at home, how poorly we feel; or how much we really don’t want to be stuck in that metal tube at 35,000 feet, we will continue to follow the ancient cabin crew mantra of ‘Teeth and Tits’ and smile through our pain and frustrations.

Here we count down the top 10 lies we WILL tell you whilst you, our wonderful passengers, are onboard our aircraft. See how many you’ve already been told.

Cabin crew can normally speak more than 1 language!

International Cabin crew can normally speak more than 1 language!

10) “I’ll come back with more information as soon as I have some”

Which will be sometime never. If it’s a technical issue, do I look like a mechanic? Not in this outfit darling. If it’s a weather related delay, well no I can’t work miracles and make the fog disappear, or make the snow melt. To be fair, your over-worked and under-paid cabin crew are always the last people to know anything anyway, so there’s not much point asking us.

9) “There’s no need to worry, our aircraft are perfectly safe!”

If you ignore the gaffer tape on the wing, the broken overhead lockers, the faulty toilet, the sink in the galley that keeps over flowing, the dodgy air conditioning units above row 31 and don’t even get me started on the broken seal around door 2L. Please don’t be alarmed when you discover that this aircraft is almost as old as Joan Rivers and has done more miles than the space shuttle. Our engineers are not only excellent with their tool boxes, they can also work miracles. As our cabin crew queen Pam Ann once said “We don’t make the same mistake more than 3 times, maybe 4?”.

"Please just ignore the flames billowing from the number one engine, this is perfectly normal on take-off"

“Please just ignore the flames billowing from the number one engine, this is perfectly normal on take-off”

8)“This is perfectly normal”

Well we have to tell you that. If it’s a strange noise, we may never of heard it before. If it’s a funny smell, we might never have smelt it before. And if it’s really bad turbulence, it’s probably the worst we’ve ever experienced too. But no matter how scared we are, we will never crack and our perfect, pearly white smile will NEVER waver.

7) “We don’t have any of that left”

Well, first off all it depends what you’re asking me for. We probably do have it left, it’ll just be on the other trolley or all the way back in the galley, locked in a canister. So unless you get me in a VERY good mood, which doesn’t happen very often, I won’t be going to check for you, so it’s probably best if you just pick something else.

"If it's not on my tray bitch, I haven't got it!"

“If it’s not on my tray bitch, I haven’t got it!”

6) “That’s not a problem

It will be a problem. Whatever it is you have asked me to do to warrant this response, means that you will have taken me away from doing something else; probably going for a well-earned rest, after waiting hand and foot on your fat arse for the last few hours. I’ll be smiling through gritted teeth and counting to ten!

Want to read the rest?  Click Here to see the rest of the list!

Aviation makes me laugh

Yesterday, Air Canada received the news that they are going to now have to provide a larger form of compensation to passengers that are bumped off oversold flights. I could probably go on a massive rant about my thoughts on this issue, but I decided to take a different approach.

A friend of mine shared an email with me making fun of the high cost of air travel which I have decided that I am going to share with all of you today.

Hope everyone has an amazing Wednesday and enjoys some laughs.

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